God Thinks of Me!

I think it is just amazing and wonderful when I can look back over a series of events in my life and see how God has orchestrated them for a certain purpose.  This happened just within the last few weeks when God brought along certain changes which led to me being unexpectedly plopped into a new study at my church.  The book we are studying is called  "When I Lay My Isaac Down: Unshakable Faith in Unthinkable Circumstances".   Carol Kent tells the story of her unthinkable circumstance and how the grace of God sustained her and strengthened her faith.  

I have been through my own personal unthinkable circumstance this past year with my liver transplant.  In many ways it will never truly be over.  There is not a day that goes by without thinking about this wonderful gift that makes life so uncertain. Every twinge I feel I wonder if something is going wrong, if my body is trying to fight the very thing that is allowing me to live.  I am over the initial shock, but there is still  a battle with fear, and trust, and faith that I fight daily.  Because the circumstance surrounding this fight is out of my control, it has sent me to my knees and I have experienced such a strengthening of my faith, and trust in the One who saved me. 

My experience and Carol Kent's experience are totally different, yet the things she writes could have come from my very own heart.  I feel as though this book was written with me in mind.  The topics we have read and talked about within our group have blessed me, encouraged me, comforted me, and pushed me further into the embrace of my sweet Heavenly Father.

I am so blessed to know that God is thinking of me... He knows the deepest struggles of my heart better than even I do, and He knows that I need this study.  Wow! He's got the whole world to think about, yet he takes the time to think of little unimportant housewife Melissa.  I mean, WOW!!!!  God thinks I am worthwhile!  There is nothing that fights my insecurities better than experiencing my Father's love!

And right now I am feeling completely overwhelmed by it!

Longing To Find My Niche

 There are many opportunities to minister in my church to be sure.  As a younger mom, I feel like I'm automatically pegged for children's ministry.  The truth is, I do not care for it and don't feel led in that direction at all.  I find it tests my patience and I leave feeling more frustrated than fulfilled. I love being a mom. I adore my children. However, I do not feel that God has called me to children's ministry, nor has he gifted me in that way. Am I the only one who can't seem to figure out where she fits in the body of Christ?  I do feel that way sometimes.  Everyone else has their little ministry and niche in the church, but I can't seem to find my place.  I have been praying for a ministry that uses the gifts and experiences that God has given me. 


In my quest to find my niche I took a spiritual gifts test I found online at mintools.com.  According to the instructions on how to 'read' the results, I am to look at the list of gifts below and pick the gift, or two, in which I ranked the highest score. These gifts would probably be one of my primary gifts.

These are my results:
Exhortation - 12
Giving - 8
Leadership - 7
Mercy - 15
Prophecy - 6
Service - 11
Teaching - 8

MERCY: to be sensitive toward those who are suffering, whether physically, mentally, or emotionally, so as to feel genuine sympathy with their misery, speaking words of compassion but more so caring for them with deeds of love to help alleviate their distress.

EXHORTATION: to come along side of someone with words of encouragement, comfort, consolation, and counsel to help them be all God wants them to be.

I am not surprised by these results.   I've always been one to write notes of encouragement to someone going through an illness or trial; to see the one person in the room looking awkward and uncomfortable and go make them feel comfortable; to bring a neighbor and their sick family a pot of soup; to cry over an e-mail I receive of a friend who has had another miscarriage, or to sing in church with the desire to touch the hearts of the people hearing.... I find immense satisfaction in doing those types of things.  If indeed mercy and exhortation are my gifts, I understand  now why doing these things brings me such satisfaction!  It is satisfying to use the gifts that God  gives us!

As I read the definition for both of these my heart quickened in affirmation.  I really would like to use in a ministry the things God has taught me during my first pregnancy and my recent health issues.  I have to admit sometimes I question God.  Was there a purpose in allowing me to go through a life-threatening illness and a liver transplant?  Deep down I feel like He must have bigger plans for this than just changing me.  At the moment I do not see how God is using this experience in my life to minister to others.  It is a struggle that brings me to tears.  "Why God?  What are you doing?"   Is it wrong for me to want so badly for there to be more of a purpose to that experience than just changing me?  In a sense I guess it would justify the experience.  I desire a ministry in which I can sympathize with the physical and emotional struggles of others because I've been through similar struggles. A ministry in which I can share the lessons He has taught me through those struggles to comfort and encourage.  A ministry in which I can bless others as I have been blessed by caring believers.

 In writing this blog God has encouraged me. Although I am not part of an organized ministry using these particular gifts, I can continue to use these gifts doing the things I have already been doing.  I pray that God will open my eyes even more to ways that I can be of encouragement and comfort to others. So here I sit, still praying and waiting on God to direct me into the 'right' ministry; yet with renewed purpose and direction.
 
Romans 12:4-8 Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.

God IS in Control-->Let Him be!

Lately I've spent a lot of time thinking about how good habits can quickly begin to consume our thoughts and pull our trust away from our heavenly father.

As a liver transplant recipient I take medications that purposely lower my immune system in order to keep my body from attacking this 'foreign object' that I cannot live without.   Because of my lower immune system, viruses and bacteria are a real threat.  I was given a liver transplant handbook with all these things that I need to do to avoid getting sick:  don't garden for the first year, don't drink water unless it is treated with chlorine, avoid large crowds, don't be around people who are sick, disinfect shopping carts, always carry hand sanitizer and disinfecting wipes, wash your hands 50 thousand times a day, etc, etc, etc...So a few months after my transplant I go to the grocery store and have the sinking realization halfway through my trip that I forgot to disinfect my shopping cart.  Of course everyone knows that shopping carts are one of the most germy things you can possibly touch.  Oh now I've done it, I thought, I'm probably going to contract some horrible illness like the common cold and I'll be dead in a week because I didn't do what I was supposed to do...  I had been trusting in myself for my life and health rather than trusting in God.  My fears which drive my actions and reactions in this area are something I am working through.  Yes, the statistics that the doctors gave for survival after transplant are scary to think about, but I have to remember that my God is in control of my life, not me and my sanitizing or some dooming statistic.

 The verse in Matthew 6 comes to mind about not being anxious for how is worry going to even add a second to our lives. I think we are all guilty sometimes of controlling things out of an anxious heart like dieting, exercise, cleanliness (ie. disinfecting and killing germs)  as if our life and health depends upon everything we do. These things are all good things, but in the end, the Lord is in control. He has a marvelous plan for us, and He knows what illnesses we will experience, and when we will be born and when we will die. Yes, It is important to take care of our 'temple' by eating healthy, staying fit and having good hygiene, but not to the extent that we are trusting in these things for our health and life instead of God.  Our lives our in his hands!  Praise God, for only he is worthy to have such control!

Colossians 1:17b In Him all things consist.

Romans 11:36 For from him and through him and to him are all things!  To him be the glory forever! Amen.

Psalm 139:13-18a  For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.  When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.  All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.  How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!  How vast is the some of them, they would outnumber the grains of the sand. 

Jeremiah 29:11  For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give  you hope and a future.

Proverbs 19:21  Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails.

Matthew 6:27 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

Psalm 20:7 Some trust in chariots and some in horses,  but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.

Proverbs 3:5-6  Trust in the LORD with all your heart  and lean not on your own understanding;  in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

Good News and Bad News

 Well, the good news is that I've been faithful about getting up every morning at 6 a.m. to exercise and spend time in God's word.   The bad news is I have been very unfaithful about blogging about it! Okay, well I'm going to blame this on my transplant.  I have so much energy to do other things these days and sitting at my computer just doesn't hold the same appeal that it used to when I didn't have the energy to do much else.  I would rather be cleaning, making my house look cute, spending time playing with my kids, snuggling with my husband, knitting, making cards, baking, reading, gardening, exercising, singing, etc, etc, etc. . .   Life is so good!  Not that it's always easy, but God is giving me so much joy in everyday things and everyday relationships.  

Tonight, however, I have set a goal of completing a couple of blog posts covering the first two chapters in Love & Respect and what God is teaching me these days. With that said, off I go to work on it. . .

Letter To My Donor Family

I am sitting on my living room couch, my house is quiet, my children and husband are in bed for the night, and with a grateful heart, I think of you, the family of my angel who gave me a second chance at life. On May 27th  while still in the hospital recovering from my transplant I was able to celebrate 7 years of marriage with my husband; on June 2nd  I was here at home to celebrate my daughter’s 5th birthday; on July 14th I was here to celebrate my baby’s 1st birthday and cheer him on as he took his first steps just a few weeks later; on September 9th  I was here to hug my daughter and see her off to her first day of Kindergarten; on October 26th  I was here to celebrate my son’s 4th birthday; on November 20th I was here to celebrate my husband’s 31st birthday; and in just a few days I look forward to celebrating my 29th birthday.  Each of these occasions  are a gift from my angel donor who gave me a new liver, and words cannot express the humble gratitude that I feel at being the recipient of such a gift.

My liver failed due to a genetic disease called Wilson’s Disease.  The last few years I had sunk deeper and deeper into a sea of exhaustion, but now with my angel’s liver I feel good, I have more energy than I’ve had in years.  I’m able to truly enjoy my family and cherish the precious moments of life with them instead of trudging through each day just trying to make it from one chore to the next.  The Holidays are especially joyful for my entire family  this year as we soak in the moments spent with those we love.  We have been given the opportunity to glimpse what could have been lost and we realize that each day with our family and friends is a gift beyond value. 

Being the recipient of such a donation has been personally life-changing as well.  I do not think a person can receive something of such great value, and at such great cost to the giver without being changed; without having the insatiable desire to give back somehow. . . someway. . .

Again I thank you for this gift and I pray that you will be blessed this year as much as I have been blessed by you.

Forever grateful,

Thankful Thursday! I'm Thankful for the Transplant Clinic!

 
I'm sitting in the transplant clinic waiting to be seen by my wonderful transplant team members.   They are such a great group of people.  So very caring, helpful, and they take great care of me!  They are always kind and cheerful, even when they've been up all weekend with other transplant emergencies. I know them on a first name basis and can't wait to share pictures of my kids when I come back for visits.  It really almost feels like an extended family.  I'm 5 1/2 months post transplant and feeling so good these days!  I'm looking forward to a good update today!


I'm also thankful that they have wireless internet access so I can blog while I wait!  Such a wonderful thing to keep me occupied when the wait gets long, which it often does.  They don't just treat healthy post-transplant people, they also treat very sick people who are waiting for their transplant, and people whose own transplant just didn't go so well.  So they've got their hands full and there is no sense getting upset when they can't get me in on time.  If I were in the other patients' shoes I wouldn't want them to be rushed while seeing me.  So it keeps me happy to type and they can take as long as they need.

 I am thankful for other transplant patients.  I have found that other transplant recipients love to share their story with each other. . . people who will understand and have gone through it themselves. I know that I do.  Today in the waiting room I met another nice young lady (younger than myself) who received a liver transplant 2 years ago.  It is always encouraging to see people who are further out from their surgery and are very healthy and happy.  Anyway, we got to chatting and discovered that we both had experienced liver failure from the same genetic disease, Wilson's disease.  We were so excited! LOL!  A strange thing to be excited about, but it's a rare disease so it isn't every day that you meet someone from another family who has gone through the same thing.  She also has a younger sister with the disease (I have 2 older brothers with the disease).  I gave her my blog address.  I'd love for her family to get in contact with my family.  They could be a big support to each other I think.   After all, I'm sure her mom and my mom have a lot of the same worries and concerns.

I am again thankful for the gift of life!  I got the chance to celebrate Kyle's 4th birthday this week!  I love my children and am so grateful for these opportunities that were almost lost. 

And though I am thankful for all these earthly things, I am most thankful for my God, the maker of heaven and earth, who graciously spared my life and gives me hope no matter the circumstances I may face!

Comfort Others Also

1 Corinthians 1:3-4  Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.

I have experienced the amazing compassion and comfort of God over and over in my life through experiences big and small.  However, there are 2  in my life that I have experienced God goodness and faithfulness like no other time.

At 32 weeks in my pregnancy with Megan I had a routine ultrasound, when the tech was finished she asked me to wait in the waiting room until she was able to talk to a doctor about the results.  I knew then that something wasn't right, after a long fretful wait the tech came out and told us that I was being admitted into the labor and delivery unit.  On the L&D floor there was a whirlwind of activity.  I was hooked up to monitors which showed I was having regular contractions, so I was then given IV medications to stop the contractions.  I was kept awake all night with being poked, prodded and tested, and all this time the doctors had yet to explain what was going on.  Finally in the early morning a doctor came into my room with a very grim expression.  He proceeded to tell me that the ultrasound had shown some abnormalities in my baby and they were concerned about her heart, her brain, and a herniated diaphragm.  If the results were accurate they said that she would only have a 50/50 chance of survival once she was born.  In those few statements my hopes and dreams and love which was so wrapped up in my little bundle growing inside me came crashing down.  Yet, despite my breaking heart, I had incredible peace knowing that God was in control of this situation.

Psalm 139:13-17

  For you created my inmost being;
       you knit me together in my mother's womb.

  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
       your works are wonderful,
       I know that full well.

  My frame was not hidden from you
       when I was made in the secret place.
       When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

 your eyes saw my unformed body.
       All the days ordained for me
       were written in your book
       before one of them came to be.

 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
       How vast is the sum of them! 

I was transferred to a more specialized hospital where I spent 10 days in limbo, receiving test after test on my baby, finally to be told some amazing news.  They were wrong about the heart and herniated diaphragm, and her brain abnormality was not as severe as they had thought.  No surgery would be needed, and she would most-likely grow up perfectly 'normal'.   My little Megan was born with Dysgenesis of the Corpus Callosum.  We deal with delays in learning and some extreme distractability and hyper-activity, but for the most part she IS a normal little girl who is my miracle baby and the answer to many prayers!  God was so gracious to allow me to be her mommy!

The second time in my life that I have been the recipient of God's amazing comfort occurred less than 6 months ago.  I suffered from acute liver failure due to Wilson's disease and subsequently, received a liver transplant.   (Read my liver transplant story here.)  I was faced with the possibility of never again celebrating my babies birthdays, and not seeing my little Caleb's first steps, or sending my little ones to their first day of school.  I'm their mommy, they NEED me!  But again, God gave me peace.

Isaiah 43:1-3

  But now, this is what the LORD says—
       he who created you, O Jacob,
       he who formed you, O Israel:
       "Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
       I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

 When you pass through the waters,
       I will be with you;
       and when you pass through the rivers,
       they will not sweep over you.
       When you walk through the fire,
       you will not be burned;
       the flames will not set you ablaze.

 For I am the LORD, your God,
       the Holy One of Israel, your Savior; 

Jeremiah 29:11
 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, 
"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Common verses, yes, but through this experience they took on new meaning and were a balm to my soul.  It was a huge comfort to be reminded that God was in control of my situation, and that he was there, walking me through it.  And once again, I saw the prayers of many answered with the incredible timing in receiving my transplant, and my amazing recovery.  To look at me, or my blood test results, no one-not even a doctor would know without being told that less than 6 months ago I received a live-saving liver transplant. 

These experiences are not something I would have chosen, but I have been amazingly blessed through them. I have seen and felt God's love and protection first hand. I definitely feel that God allowed these experiences in my life for a reason and I desire to use what I have learned and experienced to somehow help others and tell them about God and how much he loves us and how good he is ALL the time no matter what our circumstances!  Yes, I still deal with after-affects of the transplant, and there are unique challenges of raising an amazing little girl with a brain defect, however God gives me strength and grace to deal with things as they come each day.  And I still believe that God is GOOD!

Back to the Blogosphere. . . An Update On Our Mayhem

It has been a long time since I've had the energy or the time to put into my blogging, thus it has been on hold for a while. I'm sorry to all you galls who were reading it. I should have posted about the goings on in our family quite a while ago.

This past year and a half or so has been a time of growing and changing. In 2008 I started a part time job working at the Gymboree, as you all know. I loved my job. Around Christmas time I was putting in a lot of hours due to the Holiday shopping season and was experiencing quite a bit of exhaustion. I chalked it up to putting in 20 or more hours at Gymboree in the evenings, usually working late, and being at home all day with 3 little ones, 4 and younger, including my little baby Caleb. We all know that being a mom is exhausting. However, instead of getting better after the Holidays it just continued to get worse, and I continued to feel worse and worse. I couldn't keep up with the cleaning at home, I didn't have the energy to cook, and I barely had the energy to keep up with my children. Finally in April things got so bad that I just couldn't ignore it anymore so I went to a walk-in clinic. They took some blood work and said that my liver tests were not great. So I went to some specialists and had more blood work done, and finally on May 5th I was admitted to the hospital. My diagnosis: Liver failure due to my genetic disease called Wilson's disease. My liver had basically been poisoned by copper (which my body could not get rid of like normal people's bodies).

The first evening at the hospital, the GI doctor came in and said that my blood work had gone from bad to much much worse in just a weeks time and that I was going to be transported to another hospital specializing in liver transplants that night. That was pretty much the last thing I remember, because of medications they were giving me and the liver failure I really wasn't in my right mind after that. However, my family filled me in on everything. I was taken to Rochester's Strong Memorial Hospital where I underwent many tests to make sure I was eligible to be put on the transplant list. I passed all the tests and on Thursday was officially listed as a status 1, meaning I pretty much had the first liver available if it would work for me. My family called family and friends and I was put on prayer lists and prayer chains all over the country. The doctors said that I had about a week to live if I didn't receive a liver. However, 2 days later, on Saturday, prayers were answered! A liver became available, passed all the MANY tests that it had to pass and I went into surgery that morning. Since I'm here now, posting this blog you can assume the rest is pretty much history. I'm alive! Thank God! I have now been saved twice! He has saved my soul, and now my life.

My recovery has been fairly uneventful. I wouldn't call it easy, but I'm feeling pretty much back to normal now. My blood tests are normal again, and after 4 months of no lifting, I am again able to lift my precious little boy again! That was probably the hardest part of the whole thing. I was away from my kids for over 3 weeks and it seemed like an eternity, then when I was finally able to be home with them, I couldn't lift Caleb, well at first I could barely hold him at all because I was just too sore to hold a wiggly 1 year old. I now take anti-rejection medications everyday and I have transplant induced diabetes and high blood pressure. I'm losing my hair because of one of my medications, but really, I'm just thankful to be here. I'm thankful to have energy again to do little projects with my kids, and clean my house, and not be so tired that I'm miserable.

I can honestly say that through it all God was GOOD! He took care of me, and he took care of my little family while I was unable to do so. All our needs were met, every bill was paid; diapers, childcare, and meals were provided. And the sweet encouragement that we received from fellow believers still overwhelms me. WOW!

I'm not back to work yet. I do plan to go back, but right now I'm enjoying my medical leave spending the time with my family, making up for the lost opportunities of fun and love that I missed last year because I was just so miserably exhausted all the time.

Well, that's it for now. I'll post some more pictures and updates on my little ones and the fun little things we have been doing together soon.