Love & Respect: Chapters 3-4

Why He Won't Respect; Why She Won't Love   &
What Men Fear Most Can Keep The Crazy Cycle Spinning

In these two chapters Eggerichs continues to emphasizes the need for the wife to show unconditional respect to her husband and the husband to show unconditional love to his wife.  He also writes about how the husband's deepest fear is not being respected, and how being disrespected affects his reactions.  I am just going to share a few quotes from these chapters that impacted me, as well as helped me understand God's roles for the husband and wife a little better.


"Though there is more to love than dying for someone, it is a sad day when a man knows that he'd die for his wife because he loves her, yet he hears her continually complain, ['You don't love me.']" (p. 52)

I do believe that my husband would 'take a bullet for me' so to speak, yet I am guilty of questioning my husband's love for me on occassion.  Wow... how disrespectful and hurtful these words seem now. 

Husbands are to value their wives as equals. . . It is as though she is the princess and he is the prince.  In Ephesians 5:33, a husband has a need to be respected as the head, the one called upon to die.  "Christ. . . is the head. . . [and] loved the church and gave Himself up for her" (Ephesians 5:23,25).  The prince goes into battle for the princess, not vice versa.  Consequently, the princess does not seek to be respected as the "head." Instead, she yearns to be honored, valued, and prized as a precious equal, "a fellow heir of the grace of life," as Peter unfolds in 1 Peter 3:7. . .To carry furthur the word picture of the prince and princess, I believe the biblical order of things is that, as prince, the husband is to be considered "first among equals." By that I mean he is her equal, but he is called upon first to provide, to protect--and even to die if necessary.  (p. 53)

 I don't know if I've ever read anything that has explains God's design for the roles of husband and wife, as well as emphasizes the husband's need for respect and the wife's need for love so clearly.

As women fear being unloved, men fear being direspected (held in contempt).  The yearning and need of husbands is that their wives give them honor and respect. . . The old saying puts it: "Every man does what he does for the admiration of one woman."  Back in the courtship days, she [his wife] became that woman and he bowed the knee and proposed.  He felt deep feelings of love for her, but they came out of his being convinced that she respected him and admired him.  She was striking a chord deep within him that literally drove his life then as it drives his life today. (p. 58-59) 

I remember those days of being totally smitten.  It wasn't that long ago.  We celebrate our 8th wedding anniversary in May.  Although I still love my husband, I can say with certainty that I no longer act smitten.  Reading this makes me want to strive to be a little more in awe of the man I married, recognizing his talents and strengths rather than always spotting his weaknesses and being so quick to correct. 

What if your son grew up and married someone like you? (p. 65)

Well, that is certainly food for thought....

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate. (p. 69)

I know this is true.  I know I so often focus on myself and my hurts and what I want and I totally neglect my husband's feelings, his hurts, and what he wants. Afterall, my marriage isn't just about me.  Problems in the marriage aren't just his, or mine.  Problems in our marriage are OURS.

Here are a couple of great verses that Eggerichs pointed out that are worth a little extra meditation for me as a wife.

Proverbs 12:4 A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful wife [or a wife who brings shame] is like decay in his bones.

Proverbs 21:19 Better to live in a dessert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife.

God is using this book to convict my heart and spur me to change my actions and attitudes toward my husband.  I would definitely reccomend it to anyone who is married or about to get married.